Over the previous six weeks, we’ve been in a series called “Blueprints for Building the Home,” and we’ve spent our time examining God’s plan for the family, Satan’s attack strategy, the roles God has ordained within the family context, and how we can endure in the work of building a home. Today, the emphasis is on practical application of what we’ve learned in this series.

1. Set your hearts and minds on things above. [3:1-14]

Why above? That’s where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. He has finished the work He was sent here to do. Everything we do, everything we’ll discuss today, is in the context of this verse. Remember our theme verse for this entire series? “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” [Psalm 127:1] Our hearts and minds must be set on things above.

A. Put to death whatever belongs to your earthly nature.

The issue here is this: godly families start with godly individuals. If you are not pursuing personal holiness, then you will never see holiness grow in your family. If you want your home to be different than every non-Christian home, then you have to be different. If you aren’t willing to be holy, then stop sitting around complaining about the fact that no one else is. If you want to see your family, your home, influenced for the gospel, then it starts with you being influenced by the gospel.

And let’s make no mistake about it: the gospel is what’s at stake here. Christians are told to “adorn the doctrine of God our Savior” [Titus 2:10]; to make the teaching of God attractive. Marriage is earthly picture of the Gospel; your marriage is telling others about God. Are people attracted to God by the way you love your wife? Submit to your husband? What about the way you obey your parents? When children obey/honor parental authority, they learn to obey/honor God’s ultimate authority; and they teach others that authority is good and right. What does the world see when it looks at your family? They are basing their assessment of God on you.

That’s why the language here in Colossians is strong: we are to kill the earthly nature. Not play with it, or put it in a cage, or sweep it under the rug, or stow it away in back closet. We are to kill things like: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Lust, greed, and lies. Nothing like getting right to the heart of it, is there? If you want to be a godly husband and father; if you desire to be a Christ-honoring wife and mother; you have to kill the lust, greed, and deceitfulness in your heart.

Deuteronomy 7:26 commands us not to bring anything detestable or abominable (vile, offensive, repulsive) into our homes. First, let’s be clear about our standards: the issue is not “do I find it offensive?” but “does God find it offensive?” God’s not particularly interested in your self-justification for your sin; if it’s offensive to Him, it does not belong in your home. If you have to justify what you watch, read, download to yourself or others, get rid or it. We must “utterly detest and abhor it.”

Issue isn’t always “can I?” but “should I?” — all must be done to glory of God. Christ did not set you free from sin so that you could run right back into slavery to it again. If you know the Truth of Jesus Christ, you have been set free — free to obey God, free to reject sin, free to bring glory to Him! The very reason for our existence is to glorify God; if what we do/watch/read/say doesn’t glorify Him, it must go.

That verse in Deuteronomy also gives us a dire warning: it tells us not to bring anything detestable into our homes; it tells us to utterly hate such things; so that we don’t become like them: set apart for destruction. It’s a truth of human reality: we become what we worship; we are shaped and fashioned by whatever we love. If we love the detestable lust, greed, and lies of our lives, they will choke us and ensnare us; they will prevent us from being effective or bearing fruit; they will keep our homes from modeling the gospel.

Let me give you one word of encouragement about this quickly: God is greater than your sin. Not just in terms of power, but in terms of pleasure. The joy of Jesus is better than the momentary pleasure you will get from giving in to temptation. It is wiser for you to keep your home free from detestable things than to revel in filth. Like the Prodigal Son, come to your senses! You are living in a garbage slop of your own making! Clean out your house. Put to death the things of the earthly nature.

Anything that fuels lust has to go: pornography is obvious, but what about movies with sexual scenes in them? TV shows with overt sexual references or jokes? Or “health” or “fitness” or “lifestyle” magazines that showcase people in enticing ways?

Now let me tell you what I think is happening right now. As I’m saying these things, most of us are thinking of specific magazines or movies or books or TV shows in your homes. And you know what else is happening? As soon as they come into your head — and I mean the very same moment — another voice pops up and begins making excuses. “Well, I don’t have that movie because of that scene” or “I’ve been reading that magazine for years; I can’t quit now.” On and on. That’s the lust of your earthly nature fighting back. It’s trying to keep you from seeing these things the way God sees them: He hates them. They are detestable to Him. And the question is: which one do you love more? The sin or the Savior? Do you think that your lust will bring you more pleasure than the Lord? That’s the choice you must make.

It’s not just lust. What about greed? Don’t make the mistake of thinking greed is just about money. It can be, and often is, but the phrase “evil desires and greed” has much more than that in mind. Maybe the best way to think about this is in terms of its counterpart: contentment. Are you content with what you have? With what God has provided? Or are you always scratching for more?

One of the things I’ve noticed about being a father in the last year is just how strong that desire is to spoil your child. You think, he’s got to have the best clothes and the best toys, and when you bring home that big toy for him and open it up, what does he do? Plays with the box. I have to wonder how much harm has been done by well-intentioned parents who have genuinely worked hard in order to provide more things for their children. Sure, the kids have the latest and greatest clothes, cars, and toys, but they don’t have contentment. They’ve never been taught to be satisfied with what they have, or more importantly, to find true satisfaction in the Lord Jesus Christ. I’m not saying never buy your kids anything again. I am saying that there are things we can provide that will last far longer and be far better than stuff. I mean, have you ever thought about what it means to “spoil” a kid? It’s not good when you open the refrigerator and find that the milk’s spoiled. Spoiled meat isn’t fit for anything but to be tossed in the trash. Let’s think about these things when we’re tempted to “spoiling” our kids. We don’t want to cultivate greed in their hearts.

Which means we have to keep greed from growing in our hearts as well. Most of us want everything our parents or grandparents have. Expect we want it now. We’d like to skip the 40+ years of hard work and saving that they did and just get everything now. And, guess what? People will let you. Banks and credit card companies and lenders will be happy to let you have everything you desire and have it right now. So you’ve got the nice car or the flat screen TV or the range-top induction stove — and a nice pile of high-interest debt to go with it. The issue isn’t the things, it’s the greed. The need to have them, and to have them right now. You know how to recognize this? It’s the voice that says, “I’ll be happy once I get ______.” If you believe that voice and give into greed, you’ll spend the rest of your life filling in blanks.

I think you’re getting the idea, so we’ll spend just a moment of the issue of lying or deceitfulness. Clearly, we are not to be untruthful with each other. God is not a deceiver, so His children must not be either. But, again, let’s think beyond the obvious here. Think of the other ways that deception creeps into our lives and our homes. Do you read your horoscope every day? What does that say about who you trust in? What message does that send to your family about trusting in God’s provision?

B. Clothe yourselves as God’s chosen people.

It’s not just enough to get rid of the old things; something new has to take their place. Remember the story Jesus told about the man who expelled the demons from his house in Luke 11? The man swept his own house and put it in order, but when the unclean spirit returned, it found the house empty! So it got seven other unclean spirits and they all moved in: the final state of the man was worse than the first!

So as we put to death the earthly nature, we must put on other things: we must clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. We must bear with each other and forgive whatever we have against one another, just as the Lord forgave us. Over all this we must put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity.

One thing I notice about that list is that it’s decidedly un-self-centered. The qualities listed are only possible if we are thinking of others and their needs. It’s not easy to have compassion on someone else when all we think about are our own problems. It’s hard to forgive someone when we can’t see past our bruised egos.  How’s your patience? How long are the kids screaming before you join in? Are you known as a gentle person? Not weak or wishy-washy, but gentle; not easily angered, not overly harsh. There’s nothing wrong with being firm; indeed we must be. But there is a big difference between being firm and being overbearing.

So we must put on, or clothe ourselves, with these things. That implies action; making a deliberate, conscious choice to dress ourselves in these things. And what holds them all together? Love. Love is not an emotional reaction, but a choice of the will. (We say “I do/will” not “I feel like it” at weddings.) We choose to express love to someone, not because they are always deserving of it, not because we always feel like doing it, but because it is what the Lord would have us to do. And you will show this kind of true love, this God-love, by loving people when things are tough, when conflicts arise. You can’t say that you love someone when you treat them in an loving manner. That’s not real love. Real love is consistent, even when others aren’t. Because it keeps in mind that we are not deserving of that love either, yet we want to receive it.

2. Whatever you do, in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus. [3:15-17]

A. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.

This kind of true, genuine peace comes from being in right relationship and in right fellowship with God. Our relationship with God is made right by the blood of Christ, poured out to atone for our sin. This is why earlier in Colossians Paul reveals that God made peace by the blood of the cross. [1:19-20] Our fellowship with God is maintained as we submit to and obey His Word and His Spirit. Just as disobedience breeds doubt and confusion, obedience breeds confidence and peace.

We have to submit to God’s authority ourselves in order to hold others accountable to it. If your children see you doing one thing, they will not hear you when you tell another. If I tell my son that this life is not about material possessions and the accumulation of stuff, and then he gets in the car and hears music that promotes a materialistic lifestyle, or hears me go on and on about that new TV I want, what message am I sending my son? I’m telling him one thing, but the actions of my life are sending a different signal. The peace of Christ can’t rule in my heart if I continue to have this type of conflict between my words and my actions.

Remember that the issue for us is not always “is it lawful?” but “is it beneficial?”; nothing inherently wrong with drinking coffee for instance, but if you ‘have to’ have coffee, then how is your self-control? If you can’t have even a modicum of peace in your life without that coffee, then it is controlling you. Self-control is one of the fruit of the Spirit, so it’s something all Christians have and must cultivate.

So what are the things in your life that you “have to have”? A piece of chocolate? Reading the newspaper? Watching a weekly TV show? They may seem innocent to you, but perhaps they are reinforcing an attitude in your house that self-control is unnecessary. And perhaps your children won’t get stuck on Hershey bars or comic strips, but something far more damaging. “You say, nonsense! My ‘addiction’ to that stuff isn’t anything like an addiction to liquor or marijuana.” Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. At the center of both is a lack of self-control, a self-control that can only be provided by letting the peace of Christ rule in our hearts.

B. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.

We must create a Deuteronomy 6:4-7 environment in our families. Is the Gospel talked about at home? Do your children know it? Have they heard it from you? Don’t simply wait for questions to come up; initiate the conversations Read Scripture together; look for teachable moments for other family members.

Certainly this applies to us individually This means you have to know what to teach; study the Word diligently. You don’t have to have the whole thing memorized, but you’ve got to be familiar with it. You’ve got to know how to use the Word to find answers to the questions that will come up. You have to meditate on the Word so that it will be hidden in your heart, so that you will not sin. Remember, family holiness begins with personal holiness. If you don’t give any importance to the Scripture in your own life, why in the world would you expect anyone else in your house to act differently?

This is why, for instance, we have to stand up and rail against this notion of Christian parents who say they will let their children “decide for themselves”. Now, of course, there is a point when children become adults and they will make these decisions for themselves, but that’s not nearly as early as we might think, and that’s not e even really the point.

Here’s what’s at hand: If you really believe that what you have is the Truth and the Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven, and that God’s way is the best way, then why on earth would you not tell them these things? Why would you not plead with them, beg them, do everything in your power to live and teach the Gospel so that they might see its value and benefit? What is disguised by culture as a great deal of compassion and concern for our children is actually the cruelest form of neglect: these are quite literally matters of life and death.

3. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart; it is the Lord Christ you are serving. [3:18– 4:2]

As we’ve been saying all along in this series, we’re dealing with work. This isn’t easy, and it isn’t accomplished by laziness. Frankly, it’s not even accomplished by listening to sermons on it. You have to take what we’re discussing here, what the Word of God says, and put it to work in your lives and homes. It’s what James means when he says we can’t just be hearers of the Word; we have to be doers. We have to work.

A. Live in a way that pleases the Lord.

This doesn’t mean that we are trying to somehow earn God’s favor or approval by our actions. That’s foolishness, and impossible according to the Gospel. What it means is that now, after we have been saved by grace, we seek to align our lives with God’s Word. We strive to live in a way that matches up with God’s instruction; in a way that God approves of. Paul gives instruction to several specific roles:

1. Wives

The key word in this passage is: submit. Submit to your husbands as the God-appointed leader of the home. That doesn’t mean you ladies just sit around waiting for your husbands to instruct you on what to do. It means you live in God-honoring way, pursue personal holiness, protect the gospel-centered environment of the home by not allowing detestable things into it, etc. For wives, the issue is this: You only love God as much as you love your husband

2. Husbands

Not micro-managing/control-freak, but involvement and investment in the life and direction of the family; don’t have to do every single thing, but do have to take the lead. Not people-pleasing, but leading; you can (and should) make your wife/family happy, but there must be a greater concern than their happiness; truth is, God’s wired them to truly be content when we are leading in the way we should. Bottom line: You only love God as much as you love your wife

3. Children (of any age)

Honor and obey parents; not just when you think they are right or you agree with them. Why would God want us to obey our parents? Because they are earthly examples of His ultimate authority. By learning to submit to them, we learn to submit to Him. By receiving their discipline, we learn that God also disciplines His children because that is the truly loving thing to do. Earthly parents are not perfect, but that isn’t the point. Neither are earthly children.

A word to the adults. Many of us often wonder how our children will take care of us when we are older. Might I suggest to you that the way they think of us in that day will be a direct reflection of how we think of our parents/in-laws now. If we bad mouth them and complain about them and spend little time with them, we ought not to be surprised when we find ourselves on the receiving end of that pattern a few decades later. Bottom line: You only love God as much as you love your parents / in-laws.

4. Fathers

If you leave spiritual development of your children to church and/or school, you are dishonoring God, and failing as a parent. As the father, it is your God-given responsibility to instill these truths in your children. This means you can’t be mainly focused on being your kid’s friend; they have dozens of friends; they have one father. There will be times when they scream and yell and cry and slam doors and wish for new parents. There will be times when they complain and seethe and sulk and pout and fight back against discipline. But you are the father. No one else can or should do what you have to do. We must “train a child in the way he should go.”

5. Slaves (Employees)

Slavery in Paul's day was often more of indentured servitude rather than the kind of forced manual labor and degradation we think of today. A more modern-day application would be to employees, who willingly go to work for a certain company. When you're there, you should work and act as if you are serving the Lord Jesus, not just your earthly boss or supervisor. Christians in the workplace should always, always be the most productive and the least complaining. We should work in such a way that if someone wanted to accuse us of something because of our faith, there would be nothing for their accusation to stand on.

6. Masters (Bosses)

At task here are people in positions of authority over others. If you are a supervisor, manager, or boss, then you have a responsibility to treat those who report to you in a Christ-honoring way. You can (and should) expect them to do their jobs, and hold them accountable to their work. But you must do so in a way that is mindful of the fact that you have a Master of your own, who will judge your thoughts and actions as well. ,

B. Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful.

Prayer strengthens families; lack of prayer leaves them weak. Storms are coming; is your house ready? Think of it this way: when a hurricane is heading toward the coast, what do people do? They board up their homes, they prepare for the coming storm. In our families, prayer serves a similar function.

And we must be watchful, constantly alert. If we let down our guard, our own lives will be affected, which will quickly spill over into our families. Remember, this is work. It requires effort and demands vigilance.

Why work so hard? Because the issue at stake is the gospel. What will your neighbors learn about God from your home? What will your spouse learn about Christ from the way you love them? What will your children discover about Jesus from watching you? These are matters of utmost importance, and we must devote ourselves to prayer and being watchful in order to preserve our witness to the life-changing power of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Seeing Results: External Evidence of Obedience

Most of what we've talked about today takes place inside the home and the family. But what about external evidence. Is there anything we should expect to see from outside our homes as we seek to obey God within them?

A. The world will respond with confusion, animosity, and hatred.

This may include many who profess to follow Christ yet who live by the world’s standards. There will always be this animosity because there is incompatibility, intolerance between the world (anti-Christ) system and God’s design. The fact is that they will hate us because they hate God, and they hate what He has said in His word.

B. God will respond with blessing.

Don't confuse blessing with prosperity. God blesses those who are obedient to Him. Obedience pleases God; it acknowledges our dependence on Him. We will be blessed with growth (often through suffering/trial) but point of life is to glorify God. We do that by becoming more like Christ, not being made more comfortable.

When we obey God, there is benefit to self, family, church (when the authority structure is right in the home, it will be right in the church; when godly homes are modeled, there is something for others to look to). More importantly, when we live our lives according to His plan, the Gospel will go out in word and in deed.